


Right there

by AllotropicBi



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Fluff, I Tried, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 16:25:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8720638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllotropicBi/pseuds/AllotropicBi
Summary: It’s unclear when it started.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Brief warning for unpleasant implications (i.e. of abuse, nothing explicit in the least)
> 
> I... do want to explore this side of Lukas more and hope to some day, but this time around I just really wanted to do something really fluffy for Dylan though his phone is broken and I haven't had much in the way of contacting him atm so idk if he's read it!! But! Nonetheless, here you go, I hope y'all enjoy.

He doesn’t talk to anyone about Bo, not really. His dad is a private topic, he’s been told time and time again. Yeah, he complains a fair bit here and there about having to help with the shootings and going hunting when he really doesn’t want to, but he never shares the way Philip does. Philip doesn’t know Bo as well as Lukas knows Helen asides from the fact that he looks down on Philip.

It’s unclear when it started; after his mother’s death, there was just a lot of quiet and drinking. Bo would look at Lukas with the kind of disdain that a six year old could easily brush off, especially when he was too busy dealing with his own grief, young as he was.

Lukas doesn’t even remember the last time it happened, always making sure he was out of the house when the signs began to show, making sure not to provoke anything. But even as he talked to Philip about not wanting to go home, he knew what awaited him.

He thinks again of the pulse of adrenalin, the way the fear made him freeze up. He doesn’t want that. He wants… to feel warm. Loved. To inhale a scent like his mother’s that comforted him; something he took for granted when he had it. But the strange thing is: he’s found that in Philip. He’s not sure what it is really, a mix of whatever detergent Helen uses, a weak cologne that he sometimes splashes on (nothing too overpowering though, because Philip doesn’t want to be _that_ guy in high school), the firmness of Philip’s body beneath his own…

He wraps himself in the blanket on his bed after pulling up the blinds of one window, sitting up and looking outside, feeling silly as he imagines Philip riding in on his bike. He shrugs it off; he’s allowed to feel this way, and it’s okay. It’s okay.

He leans against the headboard, gaze still aimed at the empty dark when his eyelids fall heavy, dragging him into sleep.

 

Come the morning, of course everything is okay. They both pretend it didn’t happen, Bo trying some form of a half-assed silent apology by making a lunch that Lukas knows he’s not going to eat, but he plays along anyway, because that’s how it goes. This is who his dad is, and this is who he means to be when he’s in his right mind. Lukas just upset him.

 

Later that day at the pond, when Lukas is sitting beside Philip, Philip shuffles forwards to lean against Lukas. “You know, Gabe’s trying to be nice to me again.”

Lukas lets out a small laugh. “Isn’t he always, though?”

“Yeah. Yeah, he’s got a good heart. Sometimes I wish I could be a better foster kid to him.”

“Whaaat?” Lukas says, voice going high. “Please, you’re probably about as good as it gets.”

“Oh yeah? You think that too?” Philip shoots back, a playful look in his eyes. Lukas rolls his eyes and pushes Philip’s shoulder, following the motion by swinging over to settle on Philip’s lap. Philip glances down at Lukas’s lips, falling back to lean on his elbows.

“Maybe,” Lukas whispers, ducking down to meet Philip halfway in a gentle kiss. He’s hesitant though, tense in some way that translates into the way he touches Philip.

Philip moves his elbows further back to pull away from the kiss, looking Lukas in the eyes. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Lukas mutters, moving to close the gap, only to be met with Philip’s cheek rather than his lips.

“Uhuh, sure.”

Lukas pulls back enough to watch Philip’s judgement tear apart his resolve. He lets out a long sigh and lifts himself up to lay beside Philip on his back, not bothered about the dirt. “You’re really lucky to have Helen and Gabe, you know? Like, on top of your real mom.”

Philip scoffs lightly, clearing his throat a moment after. “After everything that’s happened it doesn’t really feel that way.”

Lukas frowns, swallowing down the words that are crawling out. “Yeah, but. That… that was partly my fault. They were just doing what made sense with what I told them.”

“Oh, are you taking the blame for them now?”

“No, I’m not – I’m just…. Listen, I… I haven’t had a mom for most of my life, and sometimes… sometimes it feels like I don’t have a dad, either.”

Philip rolls onto his side, moving close enough to rest his head on Lukas’ shoulder, a hand on his chest. “I always feel so in between everything. My mom’s in rehab and there’s no telling if she’ll come out clean this time, and I can’t see her until she does, so I don’t… feel like I really have her. An’ I’m not in the best place with Gabe and Helen, and I have no idea if I’ll ever feel at… _home_ with them. It doesn’t really feel like I have anyone sometimes, too.”

Lukas stares up into the clear blue sky, wondering what it would be like if their lives were different, if they had functional, ideal families. Maybe they would never have met. Probably not, come to think of it, and at the slight fear in that thought, his heart rate picks up enough for Philip to add, “But I’ve got you. And you’ve got me.”

And he knows he wasn’t happy before; still might not be entirely happy, but had he lived his life a lie thinking he was anything but what he really is, trying to make things work with Rose but not really knowing what _love_ felt like…

There’s a dull pain settling in the bottom of his stomach, and he’s almost compelled to stay lying there in the quiet, accepting it for what it is and feeling at peace. Thing is, the silence has never felt as sweet as it does when he’s with Philip. It’s always been something ominous, something hollow. With him… the world is a little less grey.

“You know that thing you said the other day?”

“Mm?” Philip mutters, the delayed response telling Lukas that the boy is well on his way to a cat-nap.

“I do feel it.”

And he sucks with words, he really does, so when Philip makes a confused noise, he puts his own hand over Philip’s and moves them to settle on his tummy. “Right there.”

Philip turns his head into Lukas’ neck, and Lukas can feel the lazy grin forming on his lips. “Don’t be alarmed,” Philip slurs, “but that’s kind of _gay_.”

Lukas snorts, flicking Philip’s ear but reaching out to pull him closer when he recoils. “Yeah, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we kind of _are_. Sorry to break it to you like that.” It startles out a pleased laugh from Philip, something that Lukas will never stop trying to coax out of him.

“You know you can talk to me about it,” Philip says.

Lukas pauses to consider, bringing a hand up to tousle Philip’s hair. “Can we do it another time?” He doesn’t say it, but kind of hope Philip hears the ‘ _I like this, and I don’t want to ruin it by talking about bad things.’_

And it seems with all the pure suckiness life has dealt him, the heavens are trying to make up for his misfortunes by giving him Philip, because he doesn’t say anything more. Maybe, Lukas thinks, he can forgive life if he gets to keep Philip.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at bkcybvrnes  
> leave comments and kudos if you so please; they mean everything<3


End file.
